Christmas Eve Surprise

Christmas tunes float over
and through the little house
the smell of buttery Chex mix
rises from the dirty stove;
every child playing with some
techy mouse, or stealing
another cookie from the shelf.
I look around and see
all of the ones I love
near me and with me,
except for you…

Your ghostly presence,
a choice, I have to say,
I never saw coming.
It struck me like the bells in
a Bing Crosby Christmas song
or the second ghost in
Dickens’s Christmas Carol.

I really thought in my
delusional holiday optimism
you would always be here.
Surely you understand
I can never allow myself
to feel this way, ever again.
So in case you were wondering
about the present I chose
to give myself at the end
of this miserable year:
A little dose of self respect,
and to be present
with those who are here.


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